The Absurdity of Alternative Meats

It’s brown and ground, and it even bleeds, but why?

Danielle
Heated

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A vegan Beyond Burger in Berlin, by Adam Berry / Stringer for Getty Images

Mimicking meat is becoming mainstream: a multi-billion dollar industry invading our kitchens and drive-throughs. These new meatless products are thought of as wholesome, vegan, and are marketed as nearly indistinguishable from real meat. Not so long ago, veggie burgers looked unattractively nutritious, full of beans, seeds, and nuts. Veggie burgers didn’t masquerade as something they weren’t.

Why, then, are consumers so quick today to embrace these hyper-realistic products that resemble the exact thing they’re trying to avoid?

My own allegiance to meat has wavered at times. For nearly my entire adolescence, I abstained from red meat. Consumed by concern about global warming and the then-worsening hole in the ozone layer, 11-year-old me discovered that gassy cows were releasing a worrisome amount of methane into the atmosphere. And, honestly, to be anti-beef because cows farted too much was exactly the sort of ridiculous ecological virtue I was eager to adopt. I naively believed that my decision to forgo eating beef could make a measurable impact on the planet’s health. That’s cute, but I still wore leather.

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Danielle
Heated
Writer for

Writer. Eater. Winner of my 8th grade science fair. Check me out at daniellelaprise.com